Medical Tourist

People come to India for many reasons: they come to find spirituality in the many ashrams; they come to find peace through yoga; they come simply to see one of the oldest civilizations on the planet as just plain tourists.  The fastest growing tourist industry, though, is medical tourism.  Yes, medical tourism.  You simply fly half way around the world, check yourself into one of the many 5 star hotels hospitals and let the good times roll.  

Well, I have done yoga and I have seen the civilization, so I thought I would take a crack at being a medical tourist myself.  I have decided to take advantage of the low cost, alleged high-quality, luxury health care that is offered a mere stone's throw from my front door.  I am going for a physical, but not just any physical.  I have signed up for the MAX Platinum Comprehensive Health Screening which is billed as the one of the most comprehensive health examinations on the planet.  And I begin at 8:45am tomorrow!  

One of the reasons I am writing tonight - other than to keep my mind off of the potential nightmare that is tomorrow - is to lay out my perceptions of what I think will happen tomorrow and then we can all have a collective laugh at my expense when I regale you with the reality.  

As I said, at 8:45am, I will show up at the MAX Super Specialty Hospital (that is the real name) ready for my comprehensive health screening.  This, though, is not where my journey will truly begin.  I have some homework.  I must collect a urine sample and a stool sample tomorrow morning.  The urine sample, I understand - hold the cup out in front and pee.  Not too complicated.  The stool sample I am still grappling with.  The jar is small and the lid has a tiny little scoop attached to it, but this provokes more questions than it answers. I cannot eat anything after 8 tonight, so what if I do not have to poop?  Do I only need one scoop or do I need to continue to dig at it until the cup is full?  Can the sample have touched the water and if not, how to you get a dry sample if the toilet is full of water? Hum?  I am sure there is an easy way to do this, but I will be up all freak'n night developing a block & pulley system to get this done, no doubt.  I will probably not tell you how it went.  

With samples turned in successfully (hopefully), I will be introduced to my personal health consultant, Mr. Ashish Makkar and he will escort me around for the cavalcade of tests I will endure.  The tests are as follows:

Blood Samples (Fasting Samples)

* Blood Investigations

* Cardio Vascular Panel

* Hormone Panel

* Cancer Markers

* Infection Screen

* Nutrients Estimation

ECG

PFT

Stress Thallium

*History

*Injection Administration

Ultrasound Whole Abdomen

X-Ray Chest PA view

Thallium Scan

Consultations:

•               ·      Mental Health

•               ·      General Surgery

•               ·      ENT

Musculoskeletal Evaluation

Blood Sugar - PP Sample

Thallium Scan (TMT)

Thallium Scan

MRI Whole Body Scan

Carotid Doppler

Echocardiography

Somewhere between the Thallium Scan and the consultations, I will be served breakfast.  It is scheduled for around 11:30am which may be a problem if I have not eaten since 8:00pm the night prior.  I can get a little grumpy on an empty stomach, so it may not be the best time for me to have my mental health consultation.  Lunch is scheduled for 2:30pm, but not without another Thallium Scan.   I have no idea what a Thallium Scan is, but apparently they give these out like lollipops.  I pray it does not involve a large needle and my spinal fluid.  We finally wrap up around 6:00pm at which time I am scheduled to have tea with my consultant.  I have a feeling, though, I am really going to need some alone time at this point, but we shall see.  

The next day we are back at it by 9:00am for the following appointments:

CT Coronary Angio with Calcium Score

Bone Densitometry

Dexa Fat Estimation

Audiometry

Consultation - Dental

Consultation - Ophthalmology

Nutrition Consult

Again, I assume somewhere in there we have a breakfast and a lunch, since we are not scheduled to finish until 3:00pm, but who knows.  I do hope that I don’t have lunch with the Nutritionist, as that would be simply awkward.

A few days after, I will have a follow up consultation during which they reveal to me all the things they have discovered. I am truly hoping they tell me that they have found nothing that is not correctable with a little more exercise and a little less butter.  As I write this, I am not sure if it is the battery of tests that scares me more or the potential results.  I suppose it is better to know now then from the coroners' report!