Happy 4th of July!

Saturday night was the 4^th of July celebration at the American Embassy.  As many of you will remember, I went to the wrong place last year and it did not really pan out the way I expected.  Since then, I have been looking forward to this celebration as many of the American expats have said it is the highlight of the year for them.  I really had no idea what to expect, but I did hear that the food was very Americana and that was really all I needed to be motivated – even in my sickly state

Arriving at the gate, you can see that someone had though through the process …  on paper.  Everyone attending was supposed to have RSVP’ed with your passport number, so verification of citizenship could be done before the event.  Very smart.  As well, to expedite the process all ACSA members (this is the club at the Embassy to which I so copiously refer) could buy their tickets in advance (which I had) and only needed a quick check in at a separate booth before being allowed to enter.  This was the theory…

I arrived at the embassy around 7:00pm and the entrance was simply mayhem.  They had set up a tent in front of the compound and had designated separate lines for people that needed tickets, ACSA members and those not on the list (i.e. people that did not RSVP).  So, at least the structure was there.  What, apparently, they had not factored in was that “Indian Variable” (patent pending on that phrase, by-the-way!).  

If this process had been executed by a group of middle school children from Alabama, it would have had a better chance of success.  Unfortunately, it was delegate to the low-level Indians who work at the US Embassy.  This meant that even the simplest tasks, like enforcing a line, completely broke down.  The more complex tasks of, for instance, checking passport numbers against a list, created paralysis.  In the end, a US embassy employee had to step in and bark out direction to the thoroughly overwhelmed cadre behind the tables.

To add fuel to the fire, most of the people in line were Indian.  At first, it seems a bit odd, but let me remind you that half of Delhi has been naturalized as US citizens.  You see, the Indians have figured out that if they go to the US, get a job and stay for 10 years, they can get your US citizenship and qualify for Social Security.  They can then move back to India and disappear in one of the thousands of tax loopholes and collect their social security when they retire.

Anyway, when you combine the utter uselessness of the Indians working the tents with the aggressiveness and rudeness of the Naturalized US-Indian citizens, you inevitably have a mess - people pushing their way to the head of the queues and the Indian gatekeepers unable to sort the wheat from the chaff, while the US born citizens look on in disgust.  I heard someone in the crowd tell a woman that if she is going to hold a US passport, she needs to start acting like an American and behaving in line.  It was priceless. 

The celebration took place on the baseball field with a large stage at first base and a huge area with a bar on the pitcher’s mound.  The food was correctly positioned in the outfield and there were tables everywhere.  It was wide open with plenty of room to move which is good, because it was about 100 degrees and 87% humidity.  You just do not want to be too close to anyone.

There was food and plenty of it:  Hamburgers, hotdogs, Mexican and BBQ.  They had french fries, chicken nuggets and onion rings, as well - kind of a state fair menu, if you will.  Now for many of you, this menu of fried food and heavy meat may not seem like nirvana, but for us here in India, this is the holy grail of celebratory food.  These are all the things we sit around and pine for, dream of and the first thing we get when we are released from India.  The only thing missing was that none of it was on a stick (Minnesota state fair joke). 

It was hot and I was not feeling well, so a grab a BBQ sandwich and some onion rings, scarfed the meal down and headed out.  I was actually in the embassy less time than it took me to get through the check-in process.  It was worth it, though, as I have not had BBQ in almost a year and that was worth the time invested. 

As I was waiting for my sandwich, though, the festivities were kicked off by the ambassador and other government officials.  We even had our own personal greetings from the Secretary of State and the President.  While Clinton gave her greetings from a sofa in neutral setting, Obama’s were given appropriately from the floor of a factory in which there was no one working.  There he sat alone giving us his best wishes surrounded by idle equipment and parked forklifts.  You were almost waiting for the lights to be turned off half way through his speech. Seriously, did nobody in his brain trust realize that maybe an idle factory might not be the best setting?

All in all, it was a decent little event.  The BBQ and Onion rings were good and my only regret was that I was not feeling my usually self and could not go back for a Philly Cheese Steak!

Happy 4^th of July!